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My friend is thinking about suicide

We all have misconceptions about suicide that we are not aware of and that can prevent us from acting when faced with someone who is suicidal. Here is what you need to know about suicide:

• Anyone can have suicidal thoughts, although some people are at greater risk of experiencing them than others.
• There is no single cause of a suicidal crisis; the act of suicide is motivated by many factors (for example, previous vulnerabilities, difficulties in coping with stress, or a series of stressful events).
• A suicidal crisis is a process that takes place over a period of time (days, weeks, months...). There are always precursors to a suicidal crisis, but they can be difficult to detect because the person might be hiding them.
• Suicidal thoughts are never harmless and should always be taken seriously: there is no simple "cry for help", or "he/she is just saying that to get some attention".
• It is better to be wrongly concerned about a low suicide risk than to be insufficiently concerned about a high suicide risk.

It is not always easy to detect the warning signs of a suicidal crisis because they may be discreet or deliberately hidden from us. People often avoid talking explicitly about their suicidal thoughts for fear of disturbing others, out of shame or guilt. However, there are signs that your loved one may be experiencing suicidal thoughts:

• When there are many signs of pain that affect the different spheres of your friend's life, and there is an abrupt change in their behaviour (sadness, despair, anger, increased alcohol consumption, low class attendance, etc.).
• When your friend makes explicit or indirect comments about death or suicide, such as

Certain words or behaviours should immediately alert you, such as verbalizing the desire or thought of hurting or taking one's own life. Also, if your friend :

• Unusually tidies up their belongings (gives away personal belongings, pet, etc.).
• Learns about suicide methods or acquires lethal means
• Talks about a suicide scenario (date, time frame, means of committing suicide)
• Says goodbye
• Seems to be going through or causing unexplained friendship and family breakdowns

These signs indicate that suicide is being considered, is imminent and that it is urgent to act. To know how to react in this case, go to the tab "In case of immediate risk".

Before you bring up the subject, you can follow all the tips in the section Engage with your friend.

It is often difficult to ask someone if they are thinking about suicide: it is normal to have fears because it is not an easy subject to discuss.

First of all, you should know that asking a loved one if they are thinking about committing suicide will not provoke it, whether or not they are having suicidal thoughts.

Find a quiet place to talk and really listen to your friend with empathy. If you want to ask your friend if they are having suicidal thoughts, you need to make this clear and explicit. Only ask the question if you feel comfortable, ready to receive the answer and have time afterwards to be available for your friend.

Asking them if they are thinking of committing suicide can show them that you are ready to talk about this subject with them, to speak up, to bring them relief and to have a clear and precise answer to react in the most adapted way.

If your friend confides in you that they are having suicidal thoughts, you must take action to help them through this situation.

First, you need to explain to your friend that you can't leave them in this situation and that you need to seek professional help. Avoid promising to keep it a secret: your friend's safety is more important and you have to talk about it to help them. If they are planning to end their life imminently, try not to leave them alone.

Assessing the risk of suicide is a complex task that can only be done by a professional. If your friend must wait for a professional to intervene, you can stay with them during this time. Your presence can reassure them. Here are two ways to seek professional help in this situation:

• Call 3114, which is a French crisis line where trained professionals can assess the risk of suicide and help you find solutions.
• Call the French ER by dialing 15, which will direct you to the right structure for a psychiatric emergency, where professionals will assess the situation, allow hospitalization if necessary or put your friend in contact with a care structure to receive psychological support.